why married men get fat By Dr Alicja Cicha-Mikolajczyk

There’s a joke that goes around in certain circles: if you want to gain weight quickly as a man, don’t bother with gym memberships, protein shakes, or midnight shawarma runs, just get married. Funny as it sounds, science is now backing up what many people have casually observed for years. According to a study led by Dr Alicja Cicha-Mikolajczyk at the National Institute of Cardiology in Warsaw, married men are three times more likely to be obese than unmarried men.

Yes, three times.

As Dr Cicha-Mikolajczyk explained in an interview with The i Paper, “Married men do not have to try so hard to maintain a normal weight if they are accepted by their partners. This may result in men paying less attention to their body weight and health.” In other words, once a man feels chosen, secure, and accepted, the pressure to maintain that pre-marriage physique quietly slips away. Wedding cake, it seems, is extremely fattening, especially when eaten metaphorically every day for years.

The easy conclusion is obvious: married men let themselves go. They stop trying. They abandon the gym, embrace the sofa, crack open a can of lager, and form a committed relationship with takeaway menus. Goodbye to the svelte single version who counted calories and ironed his shirts. Hello to elastic waistbands and “I’ll start on Monday.” But is it really that simple? Are married men just lazy, complacent, and careless once they’ve “locked it down”? Or is there something deeper and frankly more interesting, going on beneath the surface?

The Myth of the Lazy Married Man

Let’s start by admitting something uncomfortable: sometimes, yes, laziness plays a role. There are idle slobs in every demographic. Some people genuinely do stop caring about their health once the thrill of dating fades and the comfort of routine settles in. That part of the stereotype exists for a reason. But reducing an entire group of people to laziness alone is a shallow explanation. Human behaviour, especially around weight, health, and relationships, is rarely that one-dimensional. In fact, blaming married men’s weight gain purely on complacency ignores how many of them are actually busier, more stressed, and more mentally overloaded than ever before.

Marriage often comes with new responsibilities: mortgages, children, demanding jobs, family obligations, and the slow disappearance of personal time. Ironically, many married men are not doing less, they’re doing more. They’re just doing it in ways that don’t involve jogging shorts.

One compelling way to look at this phenomenon is through how many men mentally organise their lives. This is, of course, a generalisation, but one that feels uncomfortably accurate to a lot of people. While many women tend to view life as a complex, interconnected whole, health, relationships, emotions, work, aesthetics, long-term wellbeing, men often approach life like a giant to-do list. Discrete tasks. Clear objectives. Start here, finish there, move on. “Find a partner” “Get married” “Have kids”

Once a task is ticked off, it often disappears from conscious thought. There’s no need to revisit it. Like a video game level already beaten, it fades into the background while attention shifts to the next challenge. So if staying in shape felt like part of the “find a spouse” mission, looking good, being attractive, feeling confident it may quietly fall off the list once that mission is complete. Not out of spite or neglect, but because, in a task-oriented mind, the objective has been achieved.

What’s next? Home improvement. Career progression. Brewing the perfect craft beer. Fixing the sink. Optimising fantasy football scores. Life moves on. “Find a wife? Completed it, mate.” This difference in thinking often shows up clearly in heterosexual relationships, particularly when it comes to domestic life. Again, this is a broad generalisation, but one that many couples recognise instantly.

When it’s time to decorate a home, the woman often thinks in terms of vibe, flow, colour harmony, long-term comfort, and emotional impact. The man, meanwhile, is handed a drill and a list of instructions. He assembles furniture. He mounts shelves. He completes tasks. Big picture versus bite-sized actions.

Health works much the same way. “Live a healthier life” is a huge, abstract goal. It’s vague, open-ended, and slightly terrifying if you think about it too long. It leads to uncomfortable questions about ageing, mortality, and whether any of this really matters in the end. Not exactly motivating.

But “train for a half-marathon by October”?
That’s clear.
That’s finite.
That comes with a medal.

And suddenly, trainers are dusted off, routines are formed, and progress happens.

Why Men Respond Better to Challenges Than Concepts

This is why many men struggle with long-term, open-ended health goals but thrive when given specific challenges. It’s not that they don’t care about their wellbeing, it’s that they don’t know where to place it on their mental list. Campaigns like Dry January, Stoptober, and even religious traditions like Lent work precisely because they turn “being healthier” into a clear, time-bound task. Start date. End date. Rules. Completion.

Historically, Lent was essentially the original Dry January, minus the Instagram posts. These frameworks give structure to something that otherwise feels shapeless. For men, structure matters. Without it, health quietly slips into the background, not because it’s unimportant, but because it doesn’t scream for attention the way deadlines and responsibilities do.

There’s also a softer, more human explanation worth acknowledging. Being loved changes people. Feeling accepted reduces anxiety. When a man no longer feels like his worth is tied to looking a certain way, the pressure eases. That’s not inherently a bad thing. In many ways, it’s healthy. Relationships should be safe spaces, not perpetual auditions. The problem arises when comfort turns into neglect, not because someone stops caring, but because no one ever told them they still should.

Meanwhile, society continues to place far more scrutiny on women’s appearances. Many women grow up navigating complex relationships with food, body image, and self-worth. Men, by comparison, are often given a pass, until the numbers on the scale start climbing and health issues creep in quietly.

Perhaps the saddest interpretation of the “married men gain weight” phenomenon isn’t laziness at all, it’s forgetfulness. Some men simply don’t put themselves on their own priority list. They’re busy being partners, fathers, providers, problem-solvers. They focus outward, ticking off tasks for everyone else, without stopping to ask whether they’re still okay. Looking after yourself doesn’t feel urgent when everything else feels more important. And yet, health has a way of demanding attention eventually, often at the worst possible time.

So maybe it’s time to retire the tired narrative that married men gain weight because they’re lazy and complacent. That story is easy, but it’s incomplete. A more honest explanation is messier and more human: many men are wired to respond to structure, goals, and tasks. When health doesn’t present itself in that format, it gets sidelined, not out of malice, but out of mental organisation. The solution isn’t shame. It’s reframing.

Break health into tasks. Set challenges. Create deadlines. Make it tangible. Put it back on the list. Because while wedding cake might be delicious, and Tangfastics are undeniably tempting, staying alive and healthy long enough to enjoy the life you’ve built is probably worth pencilling in, right after finishing this bag of sweets.

And yes, I’ll start tomorrow.

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